Tuesday, October 13, 2020

What Happened to Lysol?


Whatever happened to Lysol?  Remember him?  Before Covid, Lysol was the Man.  Lysol was in every home. Just hanging out in cabinets.  You could always find Lysol waiting on grocery store shelves.  Just waiting for you to take him to your home.  Lysol was a staple on drug store shelves.  Lysol had his yellow can wardrobe, blue can wardrobe, and sometimes would break out in his green can wardrobe.  You needed something sanitized fast you would grab Lysol and Lysol would take care of business.  Then Lysol would just take up guard again on the shelf until called upon next time. 

Germs and viruses would see Lysol and turn the hell around.  Lysol Jones.  Had his own commercials.  They would play the theme to Shaft in black homes when using Lysol.  “I’m talking about Lysol. Well we can dig it.”  I would spray Lysol everywhere.  Inside cars.  On couches.  In bathrooms.  Sinks.  Spray bedsheets.  Toilet seats.  Light switches.  Door knobs.  Trash cans.  Clothes. I even used Lysol as air freshener.  I just knew Lysol would take care of business.

Then came Covid 19.  Once Covid came out Lysol just disappeared.  It’s like in the Avengers Infinity War movie where the Hulk got scared of Thanos.  Bruce couldn’t make the Hulk come out.  The Hulk was saying “nooooooo!” Covid scared the hell out of Lysol.  So, Lysol just left town.  Went out to the   mountains in isolation waiting for Covid to leave.  Somebody said they even saw one yellow can of Lysol in Antarctica. Then somebody else said they saw Lysol in Africa in the jungle. 

Bad boy Covid is still hanging around acting a damn fool. So now when you go to any store you can’t find a Lysol can anywhere.  You just see signs, “Him gone!” Now in place of Lysol you got all these second-class super hero virus fighters.  Stuff that people made in their bathroom tubs and stuff and forced into cans and bottles.  Labels all crooked on the can.  Instead of a spray can, you have to pump stuff out and throw it at what you want sanitized.  These pretenders have tough names too.  Like “Wipe out”. “Virus Blaster”. “Oh no you don’t!” and “B Gone”.

I do want to see Lysol take on Covid one on one.  Don’t wimp out like the Hulk did.  I want Lysol to come back meaner and tougher.  Redesign the Lysol can.  Make it all black. Put some bold red and green letters on the can L Y S O L.  Two black power fists coming out of the top of the can.  Make some commercials where Lysol comes out of the sky and lands right in front of Covid.  Then Lysol blasts Covid with Lysol rays and just evaporates Covid in mini explosions.  That’s the American way!

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